serenity now

I wrote this title a week ago. I had originally intended this post to be about how I understand the “Serenity NOW!” Seinfeld episode much more as an adult than I did when I first watched it as a teen. I find myself mumbling it when the kids have asked me the millionth question as I’m forcing myself out of bed in the morning. It adds an element of the ridiculous that befits the situation. But now I have a completely different topic for which it also seems applicable. I’m going to write about that one instead…

A few days ago I attended a birth that took over two days of labor, and I spent most of that time at the hospital with the mom. In that way, I was cocooned from the tragic news of the Connecticut Sandy Hook elementary school shooting, since the hospital kept every television in the ward off so no laboring moms would see it. I got home yesterday afternoon, slept until this morning, and have only now begun processing the horrific event.

Even writing about it seems somehow egoistic, as if I have anything to say on the subject that is worthwhile or intelligent. I don’t. I will say that having children changes hearing about this news in a way that is impossible to put into words. Those children could easily be my own. Those teachers and first responders and hospital staff could be my friends and family. Hitting close to home is not even in the ballpark of how I feel. Bereft is more like it.

I won’t search for answers. I will pray for peace and serenity in the hearts of those living through this ordeal. I’ll hug my kids close and thank God they are safe.

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